Where Were You?

I was folding a load of laundry when I got the call from my father that the first plane had hit.  I turned on the television in my bedroom quietly.  I had a toddler sleeping in the next room and I didn't want to wake her.  There I sat, with my pregnant belly, still in my bed clothes, folding laundry when I watched the second plane fly into the second tower.  I called my father back and we were mostly speechless but making comments in the form of unfinished sentences and moments of silence as we were caught in disbelief.  Then, we got news about the pentagon.  Dad said he was going to call my other siblings.  I attempted to call my husband.  I would not be able to reach him for three hours.

I never finished folding that load.

Somehow, I fed my little girl and we sat in the den that morning.  She was oblivious to the chatter on the television as she emptied the legos out of the box and clinked them together and tried to stack them.  When the images became unbearable and the panic of non-stop breaking news started to scroll across the bottom of the screen, I turned off the television and just sat with my daughter and watched her play. Occasionally, I felt the sure kick of a new life, that of my soon to be first born son.  I was aware at that point of how many moms and dads had perished.

Where were you, God?  Where were all the guardian angels to catch those people when they had to jump because the heat from the flames was far worse than the thought of plunging to their death?  Where were you, God?  Does that not enter the mind of all of us, no matter how sure or unsure we are of our faith?  And, certainly the non believers ask, where was your God on September 11, 2001? 

Where is God?  Right now.  When a child is starving.  When an earth quake strikes. 

We believe him to be omniscient.  He, and only He, has the ability to see the really big, big picture.  So, for us, mere humans, with our brains no bigger than the size of our coupled fists, it is difficult to comprehend how He could allow these things to happen.  We can't see the complete picture from all angles.  We are lacking the gift of infinite wisdom. We only know a small part of the story.  We know what we read in the bible and what is passed down through our tradition as Christians.  But, God does not really spell it all out for us.  So much of our life on earth is incomprehensible.  And it is in these times of horrific tragedy where our faith takes on a palpable shape in our lives.  At these crossroads we can either continue to walk in faith or we can walk away.  We can declare that God is dead or we can ask God what we are to do next.

We have come this far by faith.  Let us continue on in faith, despite circumstantial evidence to the contrary.  By faith, I have my second born son, Joseph. There is no other explanation for his being in this world.  Without faith, I would not have left myself open for a fifth child at the age of 43.  Each time I behold him, the thought crosses my mind that I cannot understand how this world came to be, nor how it is each day, but I know that when I trust God, my life unfolds magnificently.

Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen. 

~Hebrews 11:1